9 Yeses

My 9 Yeses are: 

 "Yes" to God. 
 "Yes to Writing 
 "Yes" to Living in His House 
 "Yes" to Music 
 "Yes" to Kids 
 "Yes" to Anti-[dis]Ableism
 "Yes" to Family 
 "Yes" to Loving and Being Loved 
 "Yes" to Wholehearted Living 


"Yes" to God

  
This is the continuation of a path which I suspect I first purposefully set my feet on in December 2008 (on a completely crazy weekend in Durban with Adi, and without the kids). On that weekend God decided to show up in an unexpected way. I had begun reading books that were slowly destroying the sides of the box that contained the Christianity I had always been sold (and which had become meaningless for me) and a real hunger to find God as He truly is, and not as He had been described to me had started to take root. He has responded to my heart's yearning in the most loving and beautiful and gracious way. Saying "Yes" to Him is not a once-off. Rather it is a day-by-day, moment-by-moment thing: the hearing of a voice, the remembrance of past grace, an inner stirring of inexplicable peace and hope, things that lead to roads less traveled.

"Yes" to Writing

I enjoy writing - always have. Any reluctance on my part to write at school was more to do with not enjoying having hand-cramps after writing out long essays by hand, than having nothing to say. And yet I write very little. Part of the problem is that I haven't really had a reason to write. I'm not someone who has a head full of stories that need to be told (that's more my elder son's domain). I tend to rather write philosophical, introspective, analytical essays. I'm also, to my dismay, a lousy journalist/diarist. I suspect the latter may have something to do with the fact that I appear to need an audience for my missives - whether actual or potential. Up until recently my great efforts have been confined to letter-writing and essay-type assignments for University studies. When God told me to say this "Yes" though, it came with a feeling that writing needs to become a daily discipline for me. A series of events led me back to the idea of blogging, and I am discovering that the format suits me well - I have my audience, I can ramble philosophically, and it lends itself beautifully to daily work - even if I don't post daily, I spend a bit of time each day at least working towards a post. [Edited after a year of not blogging to add that the sentiment still stands despite the lack of practical application]


"Yes" to Living in His House

When reading the parable of the Prodigal Son recently I felt that God was highlighting one of the last verses to me: Luke 15:31 reads "'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours." This is tied in with so much we have absorbed recently on what has been called the "Orphan Spirit" [an explanatory example here]. I feel God reassuring me that what Jesus says in Matthew 6:25 (the famous "Do not worry..." passage) can be confidently applied in my life. He has not left me an orphan. He will provide for and protect me, and everything I have need of is available to me, by virtue of me being with Him. And so a "yes" in this regard is a "no" to fear, stress and anxiety.

"Yes" to Music

This was SUCH an easy "Yes"! I love music. I love listening to it, thinking about it, writing it (songs rather than concertos, I must clarify), making it and performing it. I thought about making it into a career, but somehow was never serious enough about it then (and had/have doubts about whether my talent is sufficient that anyone would actually PAY for what I do). This "yes" gives me a lot of freedom and a reassurance that time spent indulging in this great love of mine is not time wasted.

"Yes" to Kids

In December 2008 God gave me the name "Mama". As a mama I have a lot of kids. I have four of my own biological ones. (More about them at www.lezoodomestique.blogspot.com). I have my church "kids" - some of whom are older than me. I have my kids' friends, whom I love easily too. This "yes", although it includes all my above kids, was triggered by images of kids in a school setting. I found myself, not for the first time, filled with a deep sense of longing - almost like nostalgia - and a pull towards those scenes (somewhat ironic for a mom who "unschools" her kids). And so this "yes" encompasses my interest in how children learn, and philosophical questions of education.


"Yes" to Anti-[dis]Ableism

This may seem like a strange "yes" for anyone who isn't me, but for me it was a wonderful one. For pretty much as long as I remember there has been a part of me very interested in accessibility for people with disabilities: a deep sense of the "wrongness" of anyone being excluded or denied access merely because of a physical difference. In particular I have been drawn to the debates and stories and commentary around visual disabilities. I considered some kind of relevant career while at school, but at that time there were no clear-cut career paths that weren't somehow patronising, and I didn't know how, what or who to ask. And so I have lived my life with this subliminal theme - occasionally getting very excited when a television series features a strong, capable disabled person, reading biographies, perusing blogs, listening to radio programs (and often, I confess, grinding my teeth at general societal attitudes). To have God affirm this part of me was maybe the most wonderful part of the experience. I'm still not sure where it's going to take me, but even since then I have stumbled upon a group of friends on Twitter who share the passion, "get" me and keep the hope alive.

"Yes" to Family

In 2008, God gave me the name "Mama". I fought it for a while, but have eventually had to acknowledge that I am a Momma: albeit unconventional and controversial sometimes. We're an odd family but we work in our own unique way. My blog at www.lezoodomestique.blogspot.com focuses on this "yes". 

"Yes" to Loving and Being Loved

Despite being a warm, friendly person, I have struggled all my life to feel loved and to risk loving fully. I have been very fearful of rejection and so have been unwilling to risk loving too deeply, in case that love is unrequited. In addition, I have battled with a fairly low self-esteem and so struggle to trust people's expressed affection to me, feeling somehow that they aren't responding to the "real" me. God is dealing with me on both these fronts, and as He does, I hope to be able to both risk loving and to trust that I am loved.

"Yes" to Wholehearted Living

It was Brene Brown's TED talk on vulnerability that probably led me to the terminology for this "Yes" and since then I have begun working through much of the material in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. In the book she discusses living with courage, compassion and connection, and this I feel encapsulates what I feel this "yes" is about. It is about living my life unapologetically, with conviction and with love. It is about being able to say my "yeses" and my "nos" with integrity and joy. It's about living in the moment. It's about having fun.